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लिखता जाऊँ

11 Feb

जी करता है कि लिखता जाऊँ,
लिखता जाऊं, कहता जाऊं;
वो सारी बातें जो तुमने कही,
या कहते कहते ठिठक गयी|

विषयों की भी कमी नहीं है,
ग्रन्थ लिख सकता हूँ-

उस अंतरिक्ष में जाते यान पर,
सड़क किनारे कुचले श्वान पर,
आज फिर से टूटे एक अरमान पर;
थमती ठिठकती हर घ्राण पर।

 

शब्द भी हैं अगणित-

कुछ शब्दकोष में बंधे हुए
कुछ स्वछन्द हवा में उड़ते
कुछ इतराते, कुछ चहकते,
कुछ सहमे, कुछ सिसकते।

 
पर इस सूखे निर्झर से जीवन में भाव कहाँ से लाऊँ ?
जी तो करता है की आज फिर से मैं लिखता जाऊं!

The More Loving One

11 Apr

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

-W. H. Auden, 1907 - 1973

Being Bored

6 Oct

“Speed at which you get bored is scary!” A dear friend remarked.

Guilty as charged. Few things in the world hold me well. But instead of this being an issue, I have found it handy in past.

Let me begin by saying “being bored is good”. If you are bored, you would like to change the state. Thus, boredom invites creativity, curiosity. It pushes you to try something new, do something awesome. I would even go as far as saying that our generation armed with their cat videos- does not get bored easily. And that’s bad. If you are not bored, if you have nothing to complain about; you have nothing to innovate or change! And so it has been for me over the past decade or so. I have been bored very frequently and I have picked up many new things.

So far so good… Let me come to the other side now. If I am bored very frequently, I am unlikely to really sweat about anything. So I will not like the challenges to escalate. I will get bored and get out. So when I should complain about being bored- I guess not before I have learnt the thing sufficiently.

Now coming to the third side- learning anything new is an effort. So if I choose to get bored, I should be ready to put in the effort. With time and with number of things in my head- learning something new will get increasingly difficult. Am I prepared for this?

Now let me add the final variable to my equation; the salary and the livelihood. Once I start getting paid to do something, the field is no longer fair. I need to adjust boredom cut-off for this job. And it goes against the other things that I could have picked up. Should I complain?

What if I have/need to settle down? Won’t I need to take this boredom with pinch of salt? Or can I start something new, somewhere new…

I need some answers (hoping that questions are correct)…

P.S. Every argument has three sides- mine, yours and the correct one.

Quote

titled

20 Jun

जो तेरे दिल में मेरी जगह नहीं है,
रुकने की कोई तो वज़ह नहीं है।

जिसमे तेरी यादों का साया ना हो,
ऐसी तो कोई गुज़र नहीं है।

चाहता तो हूँ पर क्या दुआ दूँ,
मेरी दुआओं में कोई तो असर नहीं है।

ताउम्र मोहब्बत अब कर न पाउँगा,
अब वो दिल नहीं है, जिगर नहीं है।

अब जीने में ही क्या रखा है,
जो मेरी ज़िन्दगी में “वह” नहीं है।

Despair and Hope

9 Mar

DESPAIR
तुम कोई तो नहीं थे,
फिर क्यूँ हर वक़्त  याद आते हो?

कहाँ कुछ कहा था हमने,
फिर क्या मुझे इस तरह तड़पा जाता है?

तुम न आये थे, न आओगे
फिर क्यूँ हर आहट  मुझे चौंका जाती है?

भूल चुकी होगी तुम यक़ीनन
फिर मैं भला किस गुल-ए-गुलज़ार में हूँ ?
HOPE
तुम कहीं नहीं हो
फिर भी  मैं तुम्हारे इंतज़ार में हूँ

तुम कोई नहीं हो
फिर भी मैं तुम्हारे प्यार में हूँ

पतझर आधा बीत चूका है,
फिर भी आज तलक मैं बहार में हूँ

कभी फुर्सत में चले आना
एक अरसे से मैं अपने ही मज़ार पे हूँ

Breaking up: Goodbye love

18 Feb

My love,

Breaking up is always the hardest part. I must be honest- when we met, I knew this was not forever; but still it hurts. The evenings and the nights, the hopes and the despairs, the disasters and triumphs- we had them all. At the end of my journey, when I shall count- these days will be very few. But then it’s not about days in life but life in days. With you there was never a dull moment. Not even when we took vacation from each other.

I know somewhere you too feel the sadness in letting me go- but I am sure someone as precious as you will definitely find many more and much better than me. I on the other hand, almost know that this is perhaps the last true love of my life!

We can remain “friends” like the wise people around. But I know, once beyond your arms I can only return as a jealous lover- dead jealous of your future prospects. I will pretend to be graceful, give them my wishes- but it will never be same again.

When I was with you, I left some of me forever in your arms, in your heart and carried something very precious in my heart. And believe me; even the warmth of your memory would be enough to light my darkest hours.

To you, I might have been just another guy, but you were very special to me, and you will always be.

Goodbye my precious, goodbye XLRI.

~Shiv

Love in time

29 Sep

Before we began (T-6)

“Listen, why don’t you just ask her out?” she asked. “Can’t be a little persuading?”

“Oh, I can be. But that will be like pushing her to a decision.”

“So you mean this is not fare to do things attract partners? It’s in the primal nature dude!”

“I know, I do not question that.” He went defensive. “I just know that the pure push does not last. There has to be a certain amount of pull, for pushes to work, more actually, in my case.”

“What do you mean in your “case”?”

“Well, I can’t push a lot. I can’t go to the ends of the world for her. I mean I can if she needs me to, but I can’t if she wants me to.  I can die for her, but I can’t promise to live for her with the same zeal.”

“So you are never going to ask her out?”

He was more unsure, perhaps he wanted the conversation to just end. “I may. But she is so distracted now to even notice me.”

“That would mean never. She is always going to be distracted buddy. Wouldn’t it be better if instead of wondering “what ifs”, you just go and ask her?”

He chuckled “Actually I don’t have any problem with wondering. Imagination holds me quite fine.”

“I don’t know man, but you are too young. You think you can live on like that. But life changes and you are left wondering, even regretting in your memory lane.”

She spoke as if she was somewhere far away, somewhere searching for words. He stared her blankly; he really did not know what it meant.

Airport Romance (T-0)

Sipping her coffee in Airport lounge, she glanced at the status display of flights. There was still good eight minutes before boarding. Eight minutes- enough time for Sunlight to reach the Earth- she thought. For humans- Too little? Too much?

“Isn’t it strange that we were in same college, same class for four years, yet we never talked for even half an hour! I would have liked you.” She smiled.

“Marginal utility offf..” he began in his usual sarcastic academic tone, but snapped short. “People are rarely bad. And the chances of them being bad to you are even lesser. But we do not take time to know each other and rely instead on physical appearances and heresy. In the end, we have nothing, we have nobody. More scary part is, we are alone… on the inside.” He sighed. “Why are we in such a rush?”

Her coffee was barely touched. The Jet announcer was making final call for boarding. She would have to leave.

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